Uncovering infidelity in your relationship is likely a huge shock that leads to a lot of burning question. You may begin to wonder how long the affair has been going on and how did it even occur? You might even start to blame yourself. No matter what, getting cheated on feels like it would be the end of a relationship.
But does it always have to be? You may do a lot of going back and forth when trying to figure out if your relationship is worth salvaging. The truth is, some aren’t. But there are some relationships that are worth making the effort to repair.
Every relationship is different. Here are a few things to keep in mind when trying to decide whether you should stay or go.
You made be able to move past this adverse situation if both people in the relationship have enough determination to get through the tough part. Is the affair a blip on the timeline when you look at the entire duration of your relationship? If you have been married for several decades, you may feel the need to fight to save that huge part of your life.
Sometimes affairs happen because one person feels trapped. They still love their partner, but if the couple is young and have their entire lives ahead of them, it may feel like settling down is binding. However, while an affair may seem freeing at the time, the guilt of having one is likely to catch up, which may lead to hurting your partner. If your partner chooses to stay with you, going through therapy to sort through those feelings of being trapped is a great way to help you start moving past the affair.
Talk About It
It is very important to stay rational during times of infidelity and have honest conversations about the cheating. You do not need to address specific details about the affair, but you will want to talk about the ‘whys’ of the cause of the affair. However, it is also important to not be constantly talking about the cheating with your partner. Make sure to intersperse positive moments so you remember what you are fighting for.
Focus on Yourself
Sometimes it is best to limit your contact with your partner and really focus on yourself. Once you are able to build up your self-esteem again, it will be possible to move forward with your partner.
Take a Break
It may take even more than just limiting contact with your partner, you may need to take a break away from each other. Wait until you are ready and then reach back out. This is often a good way to start over with someone.
Tell Them Exactly What You Need
If you are able to be willing to try to work things out with your partner, you have to explain to them exactly what you need in order to move on and re-establish a sense of trust. If your partner can agree to what you ask for then you can work together to move on.
The discovery of infidelity is likely the beginning of a long road of therapy, conversations, and even arguments to come. The person who was cheated on will probably always carry at least a small emotional scar, but the relationship may be able to flourish into a more open and honest partnership that has compassionate understanding of what each person wants and needs from the relationship. Infidelity may lead to a stronger sense of trust and a deeper knowledge of how to meet your partner’s needs if the relationship is worth saving.
Not all relationships are worth saving, so it is important to decide if this is what you want before you put in a lot of effort to forgive your partner. However, it may be worth it in the end.
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